Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

This joke may have profanity.

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Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac?

He had a *lovely finish*.

Why didn't the Asian man cry when his wife died?

Because he just couldn't bereave it.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What word starts with F and ends with UCK?

Firetruck

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

Plastic Jokes More Plastic Jokes

Why do they ask you if you would like paper or plastic at the grocery store?

Because baggers can't be choosers,

What do you call the piece of plastic behind the windshield in an Iraqi car?

A Daeshboard

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the Agnostic Dyslexic Insomniac do?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

Why did the policeman stay in bed today?

He was undercover *!*

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

Just water

Why does the farmer hate his job?

Because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.

Retirement Home Jokes More Retirement Home Jokes

Silk Jokes More Silk Jokes

Whatever happened to silk underwear?

Fell through the cracks.