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Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear?

None, they go commando.

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog!

Home Jokes More Home Jokes

Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?

He was running a trap house.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

Lettuce Jokes More Lettuce Jokes

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

Carrot Jokes More Carrot Jokes

What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?

A carrot!

What did the carrot say to the DJ?

Lettuce Turnip The Beet

Hamster Jokes More Hamster Jokes

What is small furry and smells like bacon?

A hamster!

Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice?

Because his mind was always on a pellet.