Home Jokes

Why do Americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

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What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home?

Underwear Replenishment

What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him?

Hey, get off me homes!

What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home?

Shucks

What do you call a Mexican detective?

Sherlock, homes

Why did Minotaur win an interior design award?

Because his home was a maze thing.

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?

Get off me homes.

What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?

Dubai fours

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home?

A home-cooked shower.

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What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?

Ayyyy watch it homes!

What did the man say when he realized the boy who asked him out was an orphan?

No home oh

What do you suppose Ray Rice's fiance' did when he got her home from knocking her out?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her!

What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?

Not even, homes

What did Reddit say to his elderly mother when he tried to take her to a home?

Get in the Karma.

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

She moved.

How do you keep a blonde at home?

A. Build a circular driveway.

What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

Their bigotry.

What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?

Mentally in-stable.

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Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

Why did the electrician multiply distance and voltage?

Because he forgot his voltmeter at home.

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home?

Cantaloupe

How does a pig write home?

With a pig pen.

What does a French beaver call her home?

Madame

Why are orphans unable to play baseball?

They've never known what home is.

Why are u home so early?

Hubby: "My boss said go to hell!"

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

How can we keep our school Clean?

Student: By Staying at home.

Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

Because they won't commute.

What do mice do when they're at home?

Mousework!

What do you call a stay-at-home parent?

Unemployed.

Why is a dog like a baseball player?

He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?

He felt at home with And/Or.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

Why is it so hard to get a mortgage in Columbia SC?

All the homes there are underwater

What is the hamburgers' most familiar song?

Home on the Range'!

Why are you sleeping at your desk?

Me: Because my bed is at home.

What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?

She moved.

What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?

Naughty pine

How did the hermit pay for his home?

Alone.

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

Rep Tiles

Why couldn't Joe get to home?

He was a Mets fan.

Where do you want to go?

So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain?

Because of the indoor fins.

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

Where does a burger feel at home?

On the range!

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Spiderman Jokes More Spiderman Jokes

What was Spiderman's major in college?

Web Design

What disorder will Spiderman get as he ages?

Peter Parkinsons

E.T. Jokes More E.T. Jokes

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

What's E.T. short for?

Because he has wee legs

E.T. Mother Jokes More E.T. Mother Jokes

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

Where on Earth have you been?!

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN Saddest joke ever.

World Jokes More World Jokes

What's the strongest plant in the world?

Eucaliftus

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Door Jokes More Door Jokes

How do you open a door underwater?

You swimming pull

Why does Jesus always leave a door open for you?

Because he was born in a barn.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

Why didn't the Mexican take Xanax?

He was barred.

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

When asked to provide proof that he had cirrhosis, what did OP do?

OP de-livered.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why did Microsoft jump from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

Because Windows 7, 8 9.....

What's the difference between a dog and Windows 10?

A dog knows what is 'no'.