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Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

What did the peanut say to his wife before he left?

I'll be back in a jiffy

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C!

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he's finished.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

The woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

What do you call a women who always knows where her husband is?

A widow

Jail Jokes More Jail Jokes

Why can't Brock Turner go to jail?

Because with swim times like his, he might be president some day.

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

Lettuce Go!

Commit Jokes More Commit Jokes

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common?

They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums.

Crime Jokes More Crime Jokes

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Sentence Jokes More Sentence Jokes

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Why was the double leg amputee sentenced to life?

He had no leg to stand on.