Commit Jokes

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

Why do software developers make the best relationship partners?

Because they're not afraid of committing.

What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

The Polterheist

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

Why was the computer programmer single?

Because he couldn't commit.

What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

Why are programmers good husbands?

Because they're good at commiting.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?

In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber?

He committed barbercide.

What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common?

They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What did the Japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?

Commit sushi

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

You might also enjoy:

Neckbeard Jokes More Neckbeard Jokes

What did the neckbeard say when he looked in the mirror?

M'self

What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?

They start tipping balls.

Adultery Jokes More Adultery Jokes

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

Lumberjack Jokes More Lumberjack Jokes

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

Polterheist Jokes More Polterheist Jokes

What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

The Polterheist

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?

By their names.

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

Breeze Jokes More Breeze Jokes

What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?

Air Conditioning

Execute Jokes More Execute Jokes

Why was Avogadro executed?

He was a mole

Why is an abortionist good to have on your team?

If you conceive something, they can execute it.

Bank Robbery Jokes More Bank Robbery Jokes

What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

The Polterheist