Commit Jokes

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

Why do software developers make the best relationship partners?

Because they're not afraid of committing.

What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies?

The Polterheist

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

Why was the computer programmer single?

Because he couldn't commit.

What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

Why are programmers good husbands?

Because they're good at commiting.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?

In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber?

He committed barbercide.

What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common?

They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What did the Japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?

Commit sushi

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

You might also enjoy:

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter. (thanks, honey)

Ghost Jokes More Ghost Jokes

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops?

Am I free to ghost

Neckbeard Jokes More Neckbeard Jokes

What's a Neckbeards' favourite colour?

M'genta

Who's a modern pirate for the 21st century?

Neckbeard!

Crime Jokes More Crime Jokes

Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Oscar the grouch and a grouch at the Oscars?

Ones green and the other is black

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Treeson Jokes More Treeson Jokes

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison?

Treeson.

Interest Jokes More Interest Jokes

Why did the banker resign?

His customers lost interest in him.

Why won't bankers go to the opera?

Because they quickly lose interest

Investigator Jokes More Investigator Jokes

What do you call a reptile wearing a vest?

An investigator. Ba dum tss.

What do you get when you cross a stock broker, a detective, and an alligator?

An investigator.