Lumberjack Jokes

What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

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What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?

He gets stumped.

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

What did the lumberjack say to the trees?

Run, Forest, run!

What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink?

A lager

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

What was the name of the lumberjack in Al-Quaida?

Osama-Been-Loggin'

What time do Lumberjacks take their tea-break?

TREE O'clock!

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Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games?

Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out.

How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out?

By moving faux wood. Rimshot

What did the tree say to the lumberjack?

I'm falling for you

Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle?

He was stumped.

What did the lumberjack see?

He saw a tree.

What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common?

They're both tree fellers.

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached?

Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs Or crapperjoels

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Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What type of tree doesn't remove active torrents?

A tree.

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

She fell out of the tree.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?

Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.

Why the hell would I use turn signals?

I know where we're going.

Hipster Jokes More Hipster Jokes

What did the hipster say......when he was told to get off the couch?

Nah-imma-stay

Why is steam such a hipster?

Because it was water before it was cool.

Redditor Jokes More Redditor Jokes

How many redditors does it take to point out a repost?

All of them.

Where do shadowbanned Redditors go?

To the PAO Camp.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What is the hardest part about sleeping with twenty one year olds?

There is twenty of them

Why did the Square divorce the Circle?

It was sleeping around.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

How would you describe your past work?

Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar -Change management.

Chopstick Jokes More Chopstick Jokes

What's a Drummer's favorite food?

Anything that requires chopsticks. Ba-Dum-Tss

Why did the blind man use chopsticks?

Because he couldn't see the point in forks.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

What's white in the morning, white in the afternoon and white in the evening?

An Irishman trying to get a tan.