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How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How long have we had that pillow?

Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What was that?

4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.

What do you call a rock group of 4 men who don't sing or play music?

Mount Rushmore. Or Nickelback. I'm so sorry.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What is the date in Germany/Brasil today?

7-1. (World Cup)

Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?

My you're looking "acute" today.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How does The Terminator lose weight?

By counting Kylereese.

How do '90s kids count to 6?

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What time is it in New York City?

5 past Lundqvist

How will Santa get in?

Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what Me: what

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What's an alcoholic's favorite type of beer?

All of them

How does an ethiopian open a beer?

With his ribs

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

Why can't horses fix merry go rounds?

They'd be terrified

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

19 Jokes More 19 Jokes

How do you stop being an 18 year old Virgin?

Turn 19

How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.