Crime Jokes

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

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What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

An innocent bystumbler

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!

What crime is he accused of?

Vesicular Basalt

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

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How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

With burger alarms!

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

What squeaks as it solves crimes?

Miami mice!

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

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Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes?

A prism.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

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Scene Jokes More Scene Jokes

How many Scene kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it

Why did the movie scene have a rusty pan?

Because Rusty thought the scene in the book was better.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What do you call a physicist who makes lets play videos?

Quarkiplier

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will "Let It Go.

Ride Jokes More Ride Jokes

What does a snail riding on a turtles back say?

WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Why did the cyclist stop riding?

He was two tired

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire?

That he needed to address the situation

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

Accuse Jokes More Accuse Jokes

Why was the driver fired from the destruction derby?

He was accused of wreckless driving.

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!

Bicycle Jokes More Bicycle Jokes

Why didn't the bicycle cross the road?

He was two-tired...

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

San Jokes More San Jokes

Why did Europe start the first World War?

They did't like being sans-Ferdinand.

Who handles font related crimes?

A sans sheriff!

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do you turn a duck into a popular soul singer?

Stick it in microwave and turn it on until it's Bill Withers.

What do you get if you turn an evil laugh backwards?

A laughing cow..