Crime Jokes

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

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What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

An innocent bystumbler

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!

What crime is he accused of?

Vesicular Basalt

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

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How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

With burger alarms!

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

What squeaks as it solves crimes?

Miami mice!

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

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Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes?

A prism.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

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Scene Jokes More Scene Jokes

What did the painter do when he was angry?

He made a scene.

Why did the director get kicked out of the bar?

He was making a scene!

Rhyme Jokes More Rhyme Jokes

What rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre

What rhymes with Jon Snow?

He doesn't know., Sorry for the lame joke, just made it up.

Rapper Jokes More Rapper Jokes

What do rappers like on their burritos?

Waka Flakamole

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Blind People Jokes More Blind People Jokes

What kind of ideas do blind people get?

Brailleant ones. Sauce: Am blind.

Why is it bad for blind people to skydive?

It scares the hell out of the dog

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Where do all the funny people hang out at a party?

In the punch line

What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window?

Curt 'n Rod

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

When last did you get lit?

Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.

How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale Because there's no light inside the closet

Supervillain Jokes More Supervillain Jokes

What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm?

Magento

What supervillain do you know the least about?

Loki, because he is low-key.

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

Why are Batman and black man different?

Bat man can go a whole night without robin

What's the difference between Black man, and Batman?

Batman can go in a convenience store without Robbin.