Crime Jokes

What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

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What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

An innocent bystumbler

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!

What crime is he accused of?

Vesicular Basalt

Why did two owls get arrested for the same crime?

They were in ca.

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

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What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

What's dark, and usually involved in crime?

A balaclava.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

With burger alarms!

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

What squeaks as it solves crimes?

Miami mice!

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

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Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes?

A prism.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

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Accuse Jokes More Accuse Jokes

What did Buddy Fletcher, accused ponzi scheme runner and husband of reddit's CEO, say to the duck?

Deleted

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why was the Cookie Monster arrested for computer hacking?

He was in possession of all the "COOKIES"

Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

Sounds like he had already done the... time

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

Where do you think you're going at this hour?

Gun hangs head & turns around

Crime Fighter Jokes More Crime Fighter Jokes

Blind People Jokes More Blind People Jokes

What happens when two blind people see each other?

They don't.

What do you call scriptures for blind people?

The holy braille

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What do you call a cat with 3 legs?

A handicat

Why did the cat sleep under the car?

Because she wanted to wake up oily!

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel?

He Jar Jar Blinked.

How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?

In bytes