Babysitter Jokes

How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!

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Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

How much for that babysitter?

Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!

Why was the phone busy all night?

Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

Why is it hard for Arab men to have a guy's night out?

They have to find babysitters for their wives.

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?

She swallowed

Who's yours?

Me: The babysitter

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What's white and washes your socks?

Your wife.

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

500 Jokes More 500 Jokes

What do you call 500 old white guys chasing a black man with clubs?

The PGA tour.

What happened when the shoe factory burned down?

500 soles were lost.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night!

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?

Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?

Three swallows!

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

None! We don't change light bulbs. We disrupt them.

What did the light bulb say to the switch?

You turn me on.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?

Hold up your arm and say "Go back you didn't say 'May I'"

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

Fiddle Jokes More Fiddle Jokes

How did the violinist learn to play violin?

He just started fiddling with it.

Why can the Devil never go back to Georgia?

He fiddled up a little kid.

Violinist Jokes More Violinist Jokes

Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?

Both are offensive and inaccurate.