Farmer Jokes

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

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What's a fresh vegetable?

One that insults a farmer.

What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

A buccaneer

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once?

I'm on the horns of a dilemma here!

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

Why did the Farmer win a Nobel-Prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Why did the farmer fire the DJ?

Because he kept on dropping beets.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure!

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How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

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Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

How many native Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

About seven. One to change the bulb, six to sing the song.

What do crack addicts sing while caroling?

All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

Cattle Jokes More Cattle Jokes

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What do you call a hotel special that lets policemen stay for two nights for the price of one?

CuNO3!

Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels?

She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.

Hey Mc Cloud Jokes More Hey Mc Cloud Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Why did Sally fall down the hill?

I pushed her.

Scottish Jokes More Scottish Jokes

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because their sheep can hear zippers.

What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs?

A bell.

Nominate Jokes More Nominate Jokes

What is the best stand-up routine of our time?

I nominate Chris Rock's Never Scared.

What's the real reason Lego Movie didn't get nominated for an Oscar?

They thought it was called "The Leo Movie".

Mc Cloud Jokes More Mc Cloud Jokes

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"