Farmer Jokes

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

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Why did the Farmer win a Nobel-Prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Why did the farmer fire the DJ?

Because he kept on dropping beets.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure!

How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl?

A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.

Scottish Jokes More Scottish Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Why does the army want to only recruit married men?

Because they don't want a man lost!

Army Jokes More Army Jokes

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army?

You've got no beef soldier!

Sow Jokes More Sow Jokes

Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?

She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.

Scottish Farmer Jokes More Scottish Farmer Jokes

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What's the only thing politicians stand for?

Reelection.

What is the best stand-up routine of our time?

I nominate Chris Rock's Never Scared.

Nominate Jokes More Nominate Jokes

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What is the best stand-up routine of our time?

I nominate Chris Rock's Never Scared.