Farmer Jokes

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

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Why did the Farmer win a Nobel-Prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Why did the farmer fire the DJ?

Because he kept on dropping beets.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure!

How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

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Gather Jokes More Gather Jokes

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?

A Sir conference.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

What do you call a Psychic Compromise?

A Happy Medium. Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing.

Sew Jokes More Sew Jokes

What did Jean-Luc Picard say in frustration to the incompetent Singer repairman?

Make it *sew*!

Why would a needle even be in a haystack?

Who sews in a barn

Offa Jokes More Offa Jokes

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Hey Mc Cloud Jokes More Hey Mc Cloud Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Ewe Jokes More Ewe Jokes

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'

Scottish Jokes More Scottish Jokes

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What did the architect say about the rack?

How does she not fall over?

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?

Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!