Instruction Jokes

How do I turn my new girlfriend on?

She's a robot and the instructions are in Chinese.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why do they put half of the instructions in Spanish?

It drives me crazy. I feel like I am missing out on important information. They should put the whole thing in one language.

Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

What are instructions?

Correct.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?

Doesn't follow instructions very well.

Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual?

Because the instructions were clear.

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E Jokes More E Jokes

What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe?

An e-mergency.

What country has the most internet crimes?

E-gypt

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What did the overweight woman say to Buffalo Bill when she woke up?

I can't feel my face when I'm with you...

What is Rihanna's favorite song?

I can't feel my face when i'm with you

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?

Coach.

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

Spanish Jokes More Spanish Jokes

What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?

Jose and Hoseb

What did the Spanish guidance counselor tell his students?

You have to have gooooooaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllssssssssss!!!!!

Mail Jokes More Mail Jokes

When do e-mails stop being in black and white?

When they are read.

Why do church bells never send e-mails?

They'd rather give each other a ring.

Medicine Jokes More Medicine Jokes

Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

How do Eskimos make things stick together?

Igloo

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's half of 8?

5. The other half is 3.

What do you call the western half of Kenya?

Kenya West