Jeremy Clarkson Jokes

What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear?

SPEEEED!

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What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

What do Whitney Houston and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on Top Gear.

What do you get when you minus Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear...?

A smile!

What is Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number?

Nought two sixty.

What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse?

He can't do 'top gear' anymore!

What do Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on top gear.

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Pin Jokes More Pin Jokes

Why did the punk cross the road?

He was safety-pinned to the chicken.

How do you call a play on numbers?

A pin.

Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Why is the lady on the Red Heads matchbox always smiling?

There are 48 heads in her box - of course shes happy!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why do Soviets use lowercase letters?

Because they don't understand CAPitalism

What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table?

"Use the fork, Luke."

Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

What did the floor say to the desk?

I can see your drawers!

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

Whitney Houston Jokes More Whitney Houston Jokes

What is Whitney Houston's best kind of coordination?

Hand EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

What's Chris Brown's favourite drink?

Punch

Why did the kid punch the bed?

His mother told him to hit the hay.

Amy Winehouse Jokes More Amy Winehouse Jokes

What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse?

He can't do 'top gear' anymore!

What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?

From trying to blow out lightbulbs.