Lisp Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

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What do you call a kid with an eye patch, braces and a lisp?

Names

What did a lemon with a lisp say to the juicer?

Thtop taking the pith out of me!

What does a white girl with a lisp say?

Yaaathh

What's long green and goes hith?

A snake with a lisp!

What did the clam with a lisp say to his greedy friend?

You're so shelfish!

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Philosopher Jokes More Philosopher Jokes

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

Name Jokes More Name Jokes

What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch?

Names.

What do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch?

Names! -Bo Burnham

Salesman Jokes More Salesman Jokes

How 'bout this one?

Salesman: Sir, we've been over this, I don't know how many McNuggets it will hold.

Why is that?

Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.

Brace Jokes More Brace Jokes

What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........) A web designer.

Who's there! Bolton! Bolton who?

Bolton braces!

Pith Jokes More Pith Jokes

What did a lemon with a lisp say to the juicer?

Thtop taking the pith out of me!

Why did the orange fall out with the orange-peeler?

Because he was taking the pith. /gets coat. bai.

Thimble Jokes More Thimble Jokes

Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet?

Because thimbles aren't very loud.

What's the best thing to do with a thimble?

Bang it with a drum-thtick!

Drown Jokes More Drown Jokes

Why couldn't the hippie be saved from drowning?

He was too far out man.

Why do caterpillars think they are better than us?

OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*

Eye Patch Jokes More Eye Patch Jokes

What do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch?

Names! -Bo Burnham

What do all Japanese Airmen wear eye patches?

Because they're pirots!