Office Jokes

What do Hillary and Bill have in common?

Both got screwed out of office

$Your Age Is Only Math$

April Sale

Why did Apple employee get away jacking off in the office?

Because there are no windows!

What did the hurricane say to Hillary?

I didn't know disasters can run for office

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

What are you looking for buddy?

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

Why did the minus sign run for office?

To make a difference.

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into her office wearing only cling wrap?

I can clearly see you(')r(e) nuts.

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

What's tomato with you!

How to get a job without experience?

Just run for office!

What's black and doesn't work in an office?

Decaf coffee!

What did the Office of Admissions say to the recently-accepted Urology student?

Ur-ine!

April Sale

Love Card

$5.99

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into his office wearing nothing but saran wrap?

I can clearly see you're nuts.

Why is American Airlines the best airlines company?

Because they are the only one to drop you directly to your office.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office?

They do it right first time.

When I'm dead, I'm going to haunt offices and say, "OooOoo... why are you using your mouse?

Hit Control-C... you're taking forever...

Why did the fruit leave office?

Because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?

I can clearly see "you're" nuts....

You might also enjoy:

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

How do you confuse a fish?

You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!

What do you call the corner of the market that specializes in philosophy?

A Nietzsche market!

Michael Brown Jokes More Michael Brown Jokes

What's black and full of holes?

Michael Brown

What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

How do you know if a Korean gang robbed your house?

Because all the rice is gone, and three hours later, they are still trying to back out of your driveway.

What's making all that noise in your trunk?

Me- My feelings. I'm trying to dispose of them properly.

Helicopter Jokes More Helicopter Jokes

What animal is faster than a cheetah?

A cow dropped out of a helicopter.

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

God Jokes More God Jokes

What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells?

I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

Why did God make man before woman?

You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

Why did the doughnut maker retire?

He was fed up with the hole business.

What happens when you keep feeding a cow money?

You get rich milk.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

What is Oscar Pistorius's new favourite band?

Bullets For My Valentine

Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.