Office Jokes

What do Hillary and Bill have in common?

Both got screwed out of office

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Why did Apple employee get away jacking off in the office?

Because there are no windows!

What did the hurricane say to Hillary?

I didn't know disasters can run for office

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

What are you looking for buddy?

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

Why did the minus sign run for office?

To make a difference.

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into her office wearing only cling wrap?

I can clearly see you(')r(e) nuts.

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

What's tomato with you!

How to get a job without experience?

Just run for office!

What's black and doesn't work in an office?

Decaf coffee!

What did the Office of Admissions say to the recently-accepted Urology student?

Ur-ine!

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into his office wearing nothing but saran wrap?

I can clearly see you're nuts.

Why is American Airlines the best airlines company?

Because they are the only one to drop you directly to your office.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office?

They do it right first time.

When I'm dead, I'm going to haunt offices and say, "OooOoo... why are you using your mouse?

Hit Control-C... you're taking forever...

Why did the fruit leave office?

Because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?

I can clearly see "you're" nuts....

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Aircraft Carrier Jokes More Aircraft Carrier Jokes

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?

To promote off-shore drilling.

How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?

The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

How many have you derailed this year?

I replied, "I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track"

What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?

He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why did the blind guy crashed his car into another car?

Because he forgot to check his blind side.

How did a blind man drive his car?

One hand on the wheel the other on the road.

Dodge Jokes More Dodge Jokes

What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?

Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.

Why did the beer get bottled?

He was trying to dodge the draft.

Helicopter Jokes More Helicopter Jokes

What does an helicopter and pants have in common?

They both moust go down in emergency.

How do you spot a terrorist?

They'll freak out when they hear a helicopter

Darren Wilson Jokes More Darren Wilson Jokes

What game is all the rage with the Ferguson rioters?

Truth or Darren Wilson.

What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

Why did the Pentagon change it's name to the square?

Because they were cutting corners.

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

Why did the bullet stay home?

Because it got fired!

What's the difference between the people and bullets?

The people miss Harambe.