Row vs. Wade
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When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)
His lily died
Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)
The reposts on reddit.
One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.
They get Kim to talk slowly to him.
A tooter
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
The fastest way to get across a river.
Starbucks
Ground and federal expresso
A pigeon can make a deposit on a BMW
Because it was being driven by a woman
House.
Self raising.
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.