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Remote Jokes

Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

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Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

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Slip Jokes More Slip Jokes

How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead?

A. The remote control slips from his hand.

What do people do in Greece?

Slip and slide around.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

He was in de-Nile.

Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg?

Because he always uses a razor.

Belong Jokes More Belong Jokes

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

NA'CHO CHEESE

What do you call jokes that belong to everyone?

R/Jokes

Pat Jokes More Pat Jokes

Why is owning a Prius difficult?

It's hard to drive when you're patting yourself on the back all the time.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

Why did the surfer join ISIS?

Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What do you call a bee with a toe?

Toby

Why did the elephant paints it's toes red?

So he could hide in the cherry tree.

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

Laziness Jokes More Laziness Jokes

What is Laziness?

Logical Answer It is the Art of Taking Rest Before Getting Tired.

What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?

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