Time Machine Jokes

Why do time machines make you happy?

They're an anti de-present.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Sister Jokes More Sister Jokes

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree. My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

What does the baker turned counterfeiter say?

I make my own dough". My sister Katie came up with this one.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a mixologist and a bartender?

About ten minutes.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why was the marsupial wrongly convicted?

He was tried in a kangaroo court.

What is something that everyone overlooks no matter how hard they try not to?

Their nose

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

What Type of Fruit Wants to Run Away and Get Married but Isn't Able to?

Cantelope.

Washing Machine Jokes More Washing Machine Jokes

Why is a woman unlike a washing machine?

After you throw a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you around.

How do you get a dozen eggs out of a washing machine in less than a minute?

I'm serious... help.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What's wrongdad?

Dad: I told you, my head hurts. Son: This is why mom left.

How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?

Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

How do you find the PC user in the coffee shop?

Follow the power cord.

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Dump Jokes More Dump Jokes

What's worse than getting dumped by your girlriend?

Getting denied by a car when hitch-hiking.

What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?

The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back