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Uncle Jokes

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

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What do you get when you have an ant with 8 legs?

An uncle that has to build a bigger shoe closet...

Why was the little ant confused?

Because his uncles are aunts.

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

Why was the ant so confused?

All of if its uncles are aunts!

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because all of it's Uncles were Aunts(Ants)

Why was the baby ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants!

How do ants hide from aardvarks?

They disguise themselves as uncles!

Where is the fire at?

The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)

How many r/jokes commenters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know but that reminds me of a similar joke my uncle used to tell...

What does my Uncle and my account balance have in common?

I cry whenever I see them.

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Why an Aunt?

I can understand why an Uncle would be in there.

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?

It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)

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Rice Jokes More Rice Jokes

Why did the Chicken cross road?

With rice.

What happened in China on Christmas?

The Rice-child was born.

Sister Jokes More Sister Jokes

What did one cell say to his sister that stepped on his toe?

Mitosis

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree. My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

Blue House Jokes More Blue House Jokes

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

Spiderman Jokes More Spiderman Jokes

What does black Spider-Man say to Spider-Man?

No Racism please!

Why isn't Spiderman in the Avengers?

Because a black widow has no husband.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "

Why can't you hear it when a pteranodon goes to the bathroom?

Because they're all dead.

Riddle Jokes More Riddle Jokes

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

An Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

What did the quadruple amputee say when he couldn't solve the riddle?

I'm stumped.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What happened when the shoe factory burned down?

500 soles were lost.

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common?

They all "Feel The Burn!"

White House Jokes More White House Jokes

When will there be a woman in the White House?

When Hillary leaves town.

What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?

A tourist.