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Ant Jokes

How can you tell an ant is a boy or girl?

Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant

Love
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What do you call ants in your syrup?

Maple flakes From my well intentioned girlfriend

Why can't ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies.

How many ants can you fit inside an apartment?

Ten-ants!

Why doesn't the ant ever get sick?

He has lots of antibodies.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

What kind of Ant lives in rented accommodation?

Tenants.

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Ten ants (Tenants)

Why do ants rarely, if ever, get sick?

Because of their tiny little anty bodies.

What do ants drink?

Tea. It's an ant tea joke.

When two ants want to run away and get married, who do they seek for help?

The Antelopes.

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What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead annnnnnnnttt.

What do you get when you have an ant with 8 legs?

An uncle that has to build a bigger shoe closet...

What insect is the Wood Ant related to?

The Should Ant and the Could Ant.

Why aren't ants going to church?

Because they are in sects.

How many ants does it take to rent a house?

Doesn't matter, ants can't rent a house

Why is it forbidden for ants to go in a church?

They are in-sects

What do call an ant that helps you with your taxes?

An account-ant.

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are insects.

How many ants does it takes to fill an apartment?

Ten-ants

Why was the ant so confused?

All of if its uncles are aunts!

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What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?

Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)

What does a panther say when it steps on ants?

Ded-ant.. ded-ant.. ded-ant dedan deadANT dedandead-annnnnt # d-d-d-deadant.

Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam?

It said "twist to open"

What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office?

Insure ants?

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

What do you call an ant that's walking in perfect form?

An informant

How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?

Ten-ants

Where do ants keep their armies?

In their sleevies

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

What was the aardvark's favorite Lady Gaga song?

Just Ants. Credit: My friend, the PUNisher.

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Why was the baby ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants!

What's the difference between a moose and an ant?

A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers.

What do you call an ant in space?

Cosmonants & Astronants!

How do ants hide from aardvarks?

They disguise themselves as uncles!

What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?

Discordant!

What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?

Ant-elopers.

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?

An independant!

Where do ants go for their holidays?

Frants!

Why do elephants hide behind trees?

To trip ants.

What's the difference between an ant and a bird?

A bird can fly.

What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?

All sorts of antics!

What do you call an ant who skips school?

A truant!

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

GiANT!!

What do you call an ant with frog's legs?

An antphibian.

How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?

Ten ants!

What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead annnnnntttttttt Courtesy of my little cousin.

Why do aardvarks like to talk to ants?

They can stick to the subject!

Why don't ants get sick?

Because of their tiny little anty bodies

When is an aardvark jumpy?

When he's got ants in his pants!

Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?

To give the ants a chance.

Which ant is the biggest?

Elephant

What do you call two ants running away?

Antelope!

What kind of ants are very learned?

Pedants!

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?

Antteneye!

What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?

Mmm. Canapes.

What kind of ant can you colour with?

A crayant!

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

Why does mama aardvark call her husband a cannibal?

Because he ate his ant for dinner!

How many ants does it take to own an apartment?

10. It requires tenants to own an apartment.

What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What do you call an ant from overseas?

Impartant

Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

The lid said, "Twist to open."

What do you call a really really big ant?

A GIANT! Now what do you call a baby ant an Infant! What do you call an ant thats into business A Merchant! please post more ant jokes if you know of any.

What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead Ant, Dead Ant....Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant...

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

What did the aardvark say to Noah?

What do you mean you only brought two ants!

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but you've got to wonder how they climbed up there!

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What have men and spray paint in common?

One squeeze and they're all over you.

What did the Pink Panther say after he sprayed raid on an anthill?

Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant.*

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Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

What is even bigger than an elephant?

A giant!

House Jokes More House Jokes

What do you see?

Patient: A house and Me: Wrong it's Batman. Ok this one Patient: I se Me: Nope. Batman again.

How did the burglar get into the house?

Intruder window

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you call the crucified baby Jesus?

Baby on board.

What's Blue, Orange and Lying at the Bottom of a Swimming Pool?

A baby with popped floaties.

Dead Jokes More Dead Jokes

Who did the crocodiles call when they found one of their own dead?

The investiGATOR

What do you call someone who raises the dead by giving them hickeys?

A Neckromancer

Courtesy Jokes More Courtesy Jokes

What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece! (courtesy of my ten year old)

What kind of bird always sticks together?

A velcrow Courtesy of Jokels.com:

Relate Jokes More Relate Jokes

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia?

Austronomers

What's the difference between redneck newlyweds and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.

Raid Jokes More Raid Jokes

Why don't people raid dodo nests anymore?

Because their eggs stinked!

Why did the Tour de France get raided?

The police heard it was full of pedal-philes.