G Jokes

How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the G.

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What do you call a gangster who is really in touch with his emotions?

An emo-g

What's the capital of Greece?

The G

Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

Because they can get 4g

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

What's a Christian's favourite chord progression?

G,Esus.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for Mother's Day?

G u knit

What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?

Automobile.

What has an N, an I, two G's, an E, and an R and can be used to describe people of a certain color?

GINGER.

How do you make one girl disappear?

Just add a G and now she's gone.

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Why did the skeletons start dancing?

Because they forgot the g in graveyard.

Why the letter "G" is scary?

In one fine evening it can turn your host into... GHOST.

Why isn't the word gangster pronounced Jang-ster?

Because there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about.2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

How do you make the number one disappear?

Add the letter G and it’s “gone”!

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Hypocrisy Jokes More Hypocrisy Jokes

How do you spell hypocrisy?

R-E-L-I-G-I-O-N

What is the difference between a feminist and a machist?

The second lacks the hypocrisy of the first.

Snap Jokes More Snap Jokes

What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend?

My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string

When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs?

Only when they snap at something!

E Jokes More E Jokes

What do robots put at the bottom of their e-mails?

Yours tin-sincerely.

Why can't you e-mail a photo to a Jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden.

Christian Jokes More Christian Jokes

Which chord is essential to every Christian song?

Gsus

How many Christian women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Nun

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How do you stop ISIS?

Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

Why are fire trucks red?

You would be too if someone was pulling on your hose all day.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why were people angry wen the chiken crossed the rd?

Cus he looked one way, then another way after.

Why does the Empire use Apple?

Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?

Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*

Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

Yell Jokes More Yell Jokes

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

Why did the director yell at Kick at the set of Punchkicker 5?

Because he said Punch's line.