Vend Machine Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Gym Membership Jokes More Gym Membership Jokes

Why are gym memberships illegal?

Because of the Free Exercise Clause.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Vend Jokes More Vend Jokes

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

How do pirates like their jigsaws?

In pieces of eight.

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

Why was the poker game at the zoo cancelled?

Some believed that there was a cheetah among them.

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

What do you call Iron Man and silver surfer when they work together?

Alloys.

Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

What's Bigfoot's favourite exercise in the gym?

Sasquats

Why do people go to the gym again?

Do they not know what a nap is

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not "nacho cheese")?

Leave my provolone!

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)