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Vend Machine Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder

What happened to the Polish National Library?

Someone stole the book.

Agree Jokes More Agree Jokes

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

Machine Jokes More Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

Monica Lewinsky Jokes More Monica Lewinsky Jokes

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US Leader

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

Eminem Jokes More Eminem Jokes

What does Eminem and a Tumblr SJW have in common?

See they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out

What is Eminem's favourite food?

Wraps

Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?

Money's tight these days!

Why did the football coach go to Aldi?

To get his quarter back!

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What does a pirate say when they drop their scissors?

Scissor me timbers!

What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot?

ISIS

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many line dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Five!...Six!...Seven!...Eight!

How many Economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on the supply and demand curve