Vend Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Vend Machine Jokes More Vend Machine Jokes

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

How many quarters does it take to play the Lord of the Rings pinball game?

None, it only takes Tolkiens

How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?

Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many things do you need to change a lightbulb?

3, a person, a ladder, and another lightbulb

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.

Insert Bill Jokes More Insert Bill Jokes

What do Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?

They both say insert Bill here

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

Gym Membership Jokes More Gym Membership Jokes

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why are gym memberships illegal?

Because of the Free Exercise Clause.

Football Coach Jokes More Football Coach Jokes

Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?

Because he missed a split-end on a curl.

Why did the football coach go to Aldi?

To get his quarter back!

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over?

Why was Cleopatra angry?

She was on her pyramid. Stolen from Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his Thanksgiving dinner?

Because someone stole his boat.

What's a pirates favorite fast food?

Arrrrbys