Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

Why cant bulimics be pitchers in baseball?

Because they always throw up

What do you do if someone is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw your laundry in.

Surrey Jokes More Surrey Jokes

Where's the best place to apologise to someone?

Surrey.

What river separates China and India?

The Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne

What do you call the crucified baby Jesus?

Baby on board.

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

What's Chris Brown's favourite drink?

Punch

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Atm Machine Jokes More Atm Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

Mama Jokes More Mama Jokes

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

Instruction Jokes More Instruction Jokes

How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?

Doesn't follow instructions very well.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United?

A triangle has three points

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.