Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa?

Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.

Why do blck men cry when they make love to white women?

Mace...

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

Why did the old lady throw the clock outside her window?

SHE WAS MENTALLY ILL!!!!!!

What do you do if your bank account stops working?

Throw the guy out of the house.

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on feb. 02?

Six more weeks of bad hockey!

How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?

Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any

Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

What gym did Socrates go to?

The Y.

What's Bigfoot's favourite exercise in the gym?

Sasquats

Drummer Jokes More Drummer Jokes

How can you tell that the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of sides of his mouth.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

Mama Jokes More Mama Jokes

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

So he could look like his mama.

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

Load Jokes More Load Jokes

What does a blonde and a shotgun have in common?

You break them at the middle and load them from behind

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy?

Cause shes terrible.

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Because they are already "in the skies".