Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Load Jokes More Load Jokes

What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?

After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.

What should you not put in the washer with a load full of towels?

A towel full of loads

Vend Machine Jokes More Vend Machine Jokes

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks?

A two-weeker

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.

Night Stand Jokes More Night Stand Jokes

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

Why doesn't Kirk like to have one-night stands?

Because the girls always cling on him afterwards.

Surrey Jokes More Surrey Jokes

Where's the best place to apologise to someone?

Surrey.

What river separates China and India?

The Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

Tony Abbott Jokes More Tony Abbott Jokes

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia

What's the difference between Tony Abbott and a coffee machine?

One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone......And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why does everybody love honey?

Because it never gets old.

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A $20 bill

Mama Jokes More Mama Jokes

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

So he could look like his mama.