Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

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Love

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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between America and a yogurt?

After 200 years a yogurt will develop a culture.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I never had a garbanzo bean in my mouth!

Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

What's my favorite machine at the gym?

The snack machine.

What's Bigfoot's favourite exercise in the gym?

Sasquats

Dump Jokes More Dump Jokes

How Long Does It Take A Black Woman To Take A Dump?

9 months.

How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.

Blond Jokes More Blond Jokes

How does a blond like her eggs in the morning?

Fertilized

What do you call a blond that dyed her hair brown?

Artificial Intelligence

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

What did Russia say to Ukraine after the conflict was over?

Cry me a peninsula.

What makes a grown man cry?

Watching his wife and children die before his eyes.

Cafe Jokes More Cafe Jokes

What's the difference between Tony Abbott and a coffee machine?

One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone......And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What's similar between you mom and a bottle of Tide detergent?

They can both take about 65 loads.

What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day?

A booquet of flowers.