Why did the kid punch the bed?

His mother told him to hit the hay.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

Piece of cake

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because all the kids have to play in side.

What is it that you are both most fearful of?

WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you call joke told by a duck?

A wise quack.

What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics?

Gopher gold.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Why were the breakfast potatoes running around hitting each other?

HashTag!

Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?

So he always hits the green when he's driving.

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Why was Peter Pan a bad boxer?

His punches Neverland.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich?

Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP.

Why was Mary Jane not a virgin?

Her mother leaves.

Hay Jokes More Hay Jokes

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed?

To feed her nightmare.