Quarter Jokes

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

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Why did the football coach go to Aldi?

To get his quarter back!

How do you know when the Moon is going broke?

When it's down to it's last quarter.

How many quarters does it take to play the Lord of the Rings pinball game?

None, it only takes Tolkiens

What is the difference?

What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail

What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros?

They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.

What is McDonald's demolition service called?

Quarter pounder.

What time was it?

A quarter to three.

What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef?

A humburger.

What does an American call a Canadian Dollar?

A quarter.

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

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What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?

Money's tight these days!

How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?

Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback

What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?

A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.

Why is the moon like a dollar?

It has four quarters.

What is Meghan Trainor's favorite instrument?

A double quarter pounder with cheese.

What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse?

Two bits!

Why did the football player tackle the phone booth?

To get his quarter back!

Why couldn't Led Zeppelin play pinball?

They had No Quarter

Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickle?

Because it had more cents

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

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What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

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What do ateists wear on their necks as an indication of their commitment to the atheism?

Head.

Why doesn't a rooster wear underwear?

Becuase his peckers on his head

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Utter despair.

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What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)

What's the difference between fog and mist?

If you hit it its fog, if you don't it's mist.