Quarter Jokes

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

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Why did the football coach go to Aldi?

To get his quarter back!

How do you know when the Moon is going broke?

When it's down to it's last quarter.

How many quarters does it take to play the Lord of the Rings pinball game?

None, it only takes Tolkiens

What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros?

They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.

What is McDonald's demolition service called?

Quarter pounder.

What time was it?

A quarter to three.

What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef?

A humburger.

What does an American call a Canadian Dollar?

A quarter.

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?

Money's tight these days!

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How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?

Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback

Why is the moon like a dollar?

It has four quarters.

What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse?

Two bits!

Why did the football player tackle the phone booth?

To get his quarter back!

Why couldn't Led Zeppelin play pinball?

They had No Quarter

Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickle?

Because it had more cents

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

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Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

Why did the poor dog chase his tail?

Because he was trying to make both ends meet.

Clan Jokes More Clan Jokes

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why is the O in Opossum silent?

Because it's playing dead.

How do they play basketball in Mexico?

Juan on Juan

Mcdonald Jokes More Mcdonald Jokes

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin?

Prom night.

What did the Joker say when he was at McDonalds?

May I take your order?

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if a fencer is a redditor?

By how often he ripostes.

What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

Babe, it's a valve!

Dollar Coin Jokes More Dollar Coin Jokes

Why don't Americans like their dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros?

They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between Congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.

Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What do you call a bunny in a kilt?

A hopscotch