U. Jokes

Throw a bunch of pocket change in the middle of town. How do u tell who is the richest person in that village? Find the person who gathered the most change.

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

Why did your car just spin around in circles?

Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.

Where the hell are u?

ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there

What's the difference between U-Haul and Youtube?

People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.

Why did u jump off that bridge?

My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u " Yes. I literally just said that

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What happened out there?

I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either

How would u like that prepared?

ME: um medium well W: very good Me: oh god what have I just done

What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.

Why does America spell some words differently?

They said "We can do it without u, Britain."

What happens when u ask a fake logic fan... What is your favorite logic album?

Their response Flexicution

Why are u home so early?

Hubby: "My boss said go to hell!"

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What happens when U change position too fast?

You get an unpleasant vowel movement.

How can U make a difference?

Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

How many women have u slept with?

Husband: Only you, Honey. With everyone else, I was awake.

What do u give a woman who has everything?

Penacilin

What u doing?

Math, it's due Friday" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u

What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention?

A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

How do u make a Pirate angry?

Take the P out of him.

Who r they 2 stop u?

Boy: My wife &amp 2 kids.

How does Bono spell color?

With or without "u"

What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

A coconut

When ur at chipotle n u ask for guac and they say "its extra is that ok?

If u say its not ok they give it to u for free

What is hairy on the outside, wet and fleshy on the inside, begins with C and ends with T, and has both a U and a N in it?

Coconut

Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?

V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.

What would gold say if it could talk?

Au.

Why can't I have coffee?

Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

Why don't u share a bed?

Cried Baby Bear.

What's furry on the outside.. Wet on the inside.. Starts with a C... Ends with a T... And has U &amp N in-between?

A coconut!

What position do u play?

ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

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