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Ventriloquist Jokes

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist!

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What did the ventriloquist say to their friend?

Nothing. He's mute. I don't even think he's as ventriloquist.

Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?

Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.

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Gynecologist Jokes More Gynecologist Jokes

Why did the gynecologist giggle during the pap smear?

I don't know. It was an inside joke.

How many fingers do I have up?

A gynecologist who thinks he's really funny

Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

What do cannibals and politicians have in common?

They both enjoy handshakes.

What's the difference between a politician and an actor?

One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

What do women and werewolves have in common?

Offensive) They both go berserk once every month.

Scare Jokes More Scare Jokes

What happens when you go to the bathroom scared?

A spooky dookie.

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?

You remove his slippers and open the door. You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry we closed 18 seconds ago and I've just cashed up.

Speak Jokes More Speak Jokes

Who's there! Clare! Clare who?

Clare your throat before you speak!

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why did the cowboy brush his teeth with gunpowder?

So he could shoot his mouth off.

Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?

He wanted to smoke a joint!

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What are you thinking of?

He says: "Nothing." and disappears.

What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is Palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."