What has four legs and isn't alive?

Son: "nice try, a chair!" Dad: "Nope. Our dog just died."

This joke may have profanity.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What do you call a spider with no legs?

A raisin

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What did the dog say after a hard day at work?

Today sure was ruff" Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit, thought i'd share it

What's the smelliest breed of dog?

A poo-dle

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What does A&ampW stand for?

Amburgers &amp Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.

What did Simba say to his dad when he was moving too slow?

Mufasa!

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why do they have fences around a cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

Why are ghosts always just moaning?

Did your manners die too Use your words!

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What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

Chair Jokes More Chair Jokes

What has four legs but can't walk?

A chair.

What does E.T stand for?

Because he hasn't got a chair!..... sorry.

Nice Try Jokes More Nice Try Jokes