Bullet Jokes

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

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What's the difference between the people and bullets?

The people miss Harambe.

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss Harambe.

What's the difference between a repost and a bullet?

I don't want to put a repost in my mouth

What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet

What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?

Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.

What are French journalists good at catching?

Bullets.

What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?

The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

What does its job only after its been fired?

A bullet.

Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's head?

A bullet.

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What do bullets and I have in common?

We don't miss Harambe.

Who slept with my wife?

And in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

Why did the bullet stay home?

Because it got fired!

Who is the prettiest of my friends?

Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why did 10 go missing?

Because 9/11.

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

Harambe Jokes More Harambe Jokes

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

What does Harambe order when he goes to a restaurant?

He gets the kids meal.

Trifle Jokes More Trifle Jokes

What is a rifle with three barrels?

A trifle.

What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once?

A trifle!

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. "Oh damn, shots fired!" But not by the pizza guy.

What's worse than having your car impounded by the police?

Impounding your mother

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Which one died first?

Neither. It was a tie-die.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why is a shooting star better than a hamburger?

It's meteor.

What do you call a child who shoots with twigs at a PTSD victim?

TWIGERING

Apologize Jokes More Apologize Jokes

How did the failing Heroes of the Storm player apologize to their teammate?

I'm gonna level with you.

How does a woman apologize to a man?

I'm sorry, but it's your fault.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired?

He tested positive for Coke.

What do you call a drug factory that catches fire?

A pot roast