Happy Hour Jokes

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

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Where do Pixar employees go for Happy Hour?

CGI Friday's.

Why did the photon stop drinking after traveling 670 million miles?

Because Happy Hour ended.

Why don't bars in London have Happy Hour?

They're in Greenwich Mean Time.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died?

Mourning wood.

Why did the snowman leave his wife?

Because she got plowed by another man.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

Asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

How much is a soft drink?

Waitress: Fifty cents. Girl: How much is refill Waitress: The first is free. Girl: Well then I'll have a refill.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What's the difference between love and lust?

About two-hundred dollars." - Johnny Carson

What do you call cute seeds?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwmonds P.S. it's my birthday please love me

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Trunk Jokes More Trunk Jokes

Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't?

Aardvarks don't have trunks!

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why is it customary to drink 8 mojitos a day in Cuba?

It's the Hemming way.

What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking?

A leave of Absinthe.

Lock Jokes More Lock Jokes

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

Both can be solved with a coat hanger

What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a blackout?

They lock their doors and windows.

Man Good Friend Jokes More Man Good Friend Jokes

How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?

Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?

Why do we say dogs are man's best friend? Why not say dogs are man's and woman's best friend?

Because diamonds are a woman's best friend.