House Fire Jokes

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawkings after a house fire.

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What's black and sits on top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What do you call and autistic child caught in a house fire?

A baked potato

What do you call a politician in a house fire?

Burning Sanders!

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Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

Because he was driving her buggy.

Why divorce now after all this time together?

Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.

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What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.

Why was the attorney kicked out of choir?

All she could sing was, "Law, law, law, law, law, law, law."

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What will ESPN talk about if both the Hawks and Rockets make it to the NBA final?

The NHL playoffs

What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?

Steven Hawking

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Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?

Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

Fireman Jokes More Fireman Jokes

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

To keep their pants up.

Why do fire departments have dalmatians?

To help the firemen find the hydrants

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens to a Canadian's car when it breaks down?

The owner calls Triple Eh.

What happened to all the funny chemistry puns?

They Argon...

Destroy Jokes More Destroy Jokes

What did the bartender say to the horse?

Bartender: Why the long face Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family.

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

Why didn't the engineer cross his own bridge?

Because he didn't truss it.

How do you know a stranger could be an engineer?

Don't worry they'll tell you.