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Insurance Company Jokes

What do you get when you mix an insurance company with an NFL quarterback?

An Aflacco

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What did the insurance company say to the applicant?

THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use?

Progressive.

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Destroy Jokes More Destroy Jokes

When is it acceptable to not tip your server?

When your a system admin, and your server if tipped could destroy many websites.

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?

None a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.

Why is something that keeps you from burning your fingers on a joint called a roach clip?

Because potholder was already taken

Coincidence Jokes More Coincidence Jokes

What do you call it when a prayer is answered?

A coincidence.

What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

Why did the engineer buy a mattress?

To sleep under it

How can you tell someone is an engineer?

They'll tell you! (Source: am an engineer)

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How does a chef ask to leave the dinner table?

He says, "Gourmet I be excused?"

What should you do if a bird poos on your car?

Don't ask her out again

Flood Jokes More Flood Jokes

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

Why are Dutch people so tall?

The short ones drowned in the floods

Attorney Jokes More Attorney Jokes

Why did the lady and her attorney seek a scarlet frock as part of a settlement?

Because she wanted a red dress for her grievances.

How does an attorney go to sleep?

First he lies on one side, then the other!!

M Jokes More M Jokes

What do you call Squidward when he gives DNA results for a living?

You call 'im Maury.

What do you call people pretending to be a ball?

Roll playing im sry