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Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

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Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

Why did Timmy fall off his bike?

Because Bill threw a mattress at him.

Why are there so many piggy banks?

Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see the floor show!

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What "YSK" means?

Everyone keeps telling me that I should know...

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky?

Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop clowns from attacking you?

Go for the juggler

What did the puffer fish say to the sea anemone?

Stop being so closed off.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What's a pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet?

ARRGGHH" (R) Your response = (in a pirate voice of course) "You'd think it'd be the ARRGGHH but it actually be the SEA!!! (C)

What's yellow and lies in a pond?

Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in English. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

Whats the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes 1 nail to hang the painting.

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica?

Ice-is