Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About fifty pounds.

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Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did the airplane fall out of the sky?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

How about a dirty joke?

The new born white duckling fell into the mud. the filthy, filthy mud.

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

How does a dog catcher gets paid?

By the pound.

What's the most important meal of the day to help you lose pounds?

Brexit

Anticipate Jokes More Anticipate Jokes

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What did the hummingbird do to his girlfriend?

He nectar!

Why doesn't the guy with OCD ever get laid?

Because when he turns his girlfriend on he has to turn her off again three times.

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet!

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do feminists and Redditors have in common?

They both have multiple triggers that will cause them to down vote those who don't think the exact same way as them.

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why are there so many piggy banks?

Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.