Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

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Definition Jokes More Definition Jokes

What's the definition of a healthy virgin?

"One who has never been bed-ridden!"

Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary?

Because he wanted to get more definition.

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

Why are there so many piggy banks?

Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.

Why is King Joffrey like a mattress?

Two twins make a King.

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

Why were the vets and pounds mad?

It was raining cats and dogs

What is the fastest way to lose pounds?

Leave EU.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?

You should know more than your dog.

What did the blind man say when he was asked what he thought about the renovation plan of his house?

I don't know.. I just don't see it.

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica?

Ice-is

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why didn't Bach buy his wife a new accordion?

He couldn't afford it; he was "Baroque".

How did a blind man meet his wife?

On a blind date!

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did the bus stop?

Because it saw the zebra crossing.

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What's the difference between love and herpes?

Herpes last forever.

What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common?

They both love to crack open a cold one.