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Noose Jokes

Whats the difference between a noose and a leash?

How high you tie it on a tree.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

What do you call a married knot?

Monotonous. Bonus answer from my wife: a noose.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.

What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

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Neck Jokes More Neck Jokes

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

Why do cows wear bells around there neck?

Because there horns don't work.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden?

All the trees have square roots.

Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?

Dunno, they're just a bit shady.

Learn Jokes More Learn Jokes

What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?

Waiter: Probably learning to read.

Why didn't the girl cry after learning of her boyfriend's leprosy diagnosis?

She didn't have a shoulder to cry on!

Pingu Jokes More Pingu Jokes

What's Pingu's favourite band?

Slipnoot.

Knot Jokes More Knot Jokes

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

What's a sailor's favorite thing to watch at sunset?

Knot movies

Why are we watching a live internet stream of men exiting a hole?

Isn't this using the internet backwards

Leash Jokes More Leash Jokes

How does a blind parachutist know when to pull his rip-chord?

The leash goes slack...

How do you walk a chicken on a leash?

You pullet.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How to make Holy Water Friend: Hey, how do you make Holy Water?

Me: Uhh...Let me think... Why Friend: You boil the hell out of it! Me: Get out.

Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

Because Santa came early!