Noose Jokes

What does Pingu say when he feels suicidal?

Noose Noose

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

How do you pick up a black guy?

With a noose.

Whats the difference between a noose and a leash?

How high you tie it on a tree.

How can you tell if a black guy is well hung?

You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck.

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

What do you call a married knot?

Monotonous. Bonus answer from my wife: a noose.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?

Because at last he was in the noose.

What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

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Knot Jokes More Knot Jokes

Why do dogs make good sailors?

They know their knots.

What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot?

Pretzalcoatl

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What did the tree say to the lumberjack?

I'm falling for you

How do trees encourage one another?

They say "I'm rooting for you"

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What do you call a monkey with a white bandanna tied to his tail?

A surrender monkey

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?

I'll let my friend answer that one:

Where are you at?

Me: Before I tell you let's talk about ending sentences with prepositions.

Executioner Jokes More Executioner Jokes

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

What did one sailor say to the other on Dec. 7 1941?

There's a little nip in the air.

What do you call it when George Thorogood farts on a throne?

Air to the bone

Leash Jokes More Leash Jokes

What do you call a pig on a leash?

Pulled Pork

How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)