Pavement Jokes

What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands?

I literally can't even.

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When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

What was John Lennons final hit?

The pavement

What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?

Crumbs!

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Care Jokes More Care Jokes

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

Why don't they call the Batman film "The White Knight" instead of "The Dark Knight"?

Because no one would care that he died.

Cookie Jokes More Cookie Jokes

What is a hipster russian roulette?

You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free.

Who ate all the cookies?

5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

Small Jokes More Small Jokes

What is the smallest part of a little person?

Their wee-knees!

Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?

They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

Safety Jokes More Safety Jokes

What person strives to ensure safety for horses?

Ralph Neighder!

What was the best thing Kurt Cobain ever released?

The safety.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces?

Squish it in your hand.

How do you stop an Italian from talking?

Tie his hands together

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What happens to a plate made out of cookies when you drop it?

It chips.

What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign?

Iran, Iraq, I lost