Pavement Jokes

What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands?

I literally can't even.

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When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?

Crumbs!

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How are one night stands like savings accounts?

You make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest.

Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one?

A retail store.

Small Jokes More Small Jokes

What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get?

Mine is a skittle.

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Peel Jokes More Peel Jokes

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

What do you do when you're sunburned?

Make like a banana and peel.

Crumb Jokes More Crumb Jokes

What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?

Crumbs!

Why do you want to work here?

ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.

Slip Jokes More Slip Jokes

What's your best limerick?

There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do traffic lights never go swimming?

Because they spend too much time changing.

What happens to garlic sauce over time?

The sausages.