Procrastinate Jokes

When's the best time to procrastinate?

Later.

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Why do people procrastinate?

I'll tell you later.

What do you call a fruit that procrastinates?

A Cramberry!

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Suppose Jokes More Suppose Jokes

Why don't cannibals have dogs?

Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

Good Time Jokes More Good Time Jokes

When is the best time to play racquet sports?

Ten-ish.

What's the best time of the day?

6:30...

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How does Times Square start the new year?

By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

Nation Jokes More Nation Jokes

What type of government would a nation ran by Alvin and the Chipmunks be called?

A theocracy.

What is a nation inhabitated and reigned by stoners called?

A hallucination.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why did Steve Jobs die too soon?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

How are cats like empty wine bottles?

I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both.

Procrastinator Jokes More Procrastinator Jokes

Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

How many procrastinators does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh well, I'll figure it out later.

Laziness Jokes More Laziness Jokes

What is the pinnacle of laziness?

Having a remote control for your remote control.

What is the extreme limit of laziness?

Son "Having an adopted son."

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Chinese people does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to manufacture it first.

How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes nine years.