Scotsman Jokes

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and The Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow

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Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

What do you call a bug on the moon?

A lunatic! (luna-tick)

What do you call a flea on the moon?

A lunartick.

Clan Jokes More Clan Jokes

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

Hill Jokes More Hill Jokes

What happened when Rick fell down a hill?

Rick rolled.

What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?

An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Mc Leod Jokes More Mc Leod Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Rip Jokes More Rip Jokes

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would The Hulk do?"

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Trouser Jokes More Trouser Jokes

Why should you always bring 2 pair of trousers when golfing?

In case you get a hole in one.

What's the fastest way to make your trousers fall down?

Lusain Belt

Mcdonald Jokes More Mcdonald Jokes

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

Prom

What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds.

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

What did the soccer player shout to the baker who's cakes kept sticking to the tin?

LINE IT!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them