Scotsman Jokes

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

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What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and The Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What are you looking for!?

Just-ice!

How do you get over trophobia?

Look at the hole photo for 30 seconds straight

Mcdonald Jokes More Mcdonald Jokes

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

Hey Mc Leod Jokes More Hey Mc Leod Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"

Mc Leod Jokes More Mc Leod Jokes

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?

You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?

Short John Silver!

Why should you never shout at a pirate?

Because it hurts their buccaneers. (Sorry it's lame, I just made it up)

Gas Jokes More Gas Jokes

What country most despises cars that run on gasoline?

Mad-at-gas-cars!

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Where will they put Deadmau5 when he dies?

In a Mau5oleum!

How did the sun die?

It went to Detroit.