Scotsman Jokes

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

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What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's Day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and The Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow

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Scotch Jokes More Scotch Jokes

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

X-post /r/puns Scotch.

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

Whats the odd one out?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

How many marshmallows does it take to get to the moon?

Purple, there are no bones in ice cream!

Hey Mc Cloud Jokes More Hey Mc Cloud Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud.. ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

What did the little kid do with the dead battery?

He buried it.

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.

Language Jokes More Language Jokes

What language do eagles program in?

C#(https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3tp03o/incanadawehavesomenicefalcons/cx8608n)

What language do fast talkers from Moscow speak?

Ian!

Gas Jokes More Gas Jokes

What has ten letters and starts with gas?

Flatulence

What's the difference between a Dutch oven and a German one?

The type of gas used.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why did the thoroughbred break up with the wild horse?

Because she was looking for a stable relationship.

What do you call a robber who looks like David Beckham?

Bandit like Beckham

Rob Jokes More Rob Jokes

Who robs banks and squirts ink?

Billy the Squid.

Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.