Rip Jokes

How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

Because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

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How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would The Hulk do?"

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

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Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

What's musical and useful at the grocery store?

A Chopin Liszt.

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What did the deaf guy get for Christmas?

A Headphone

What did the blind guy say to the deaf guy?

I hear what your saying, but I don't see your point

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Why did the student study in an airplane?

He wanted a higher education!

What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?

A big stinker!

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Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles?

The Betty Ford Clinic

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

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How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

He became a Muslim.

What does the arabs put in their Mexican food?

Allah-penos

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?

A jet propelled elephant!

What is the longest word?

Smiles... It has a mile between the two 'S's

Fence Jokes More Fence Jokes

What's the difference between a fence and a wall?

I give them a wall, and they take offense.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

People Jokes More People Jokes

Who were the first people not to read the apple ToC?

Adam and Eve

What do you call people with big ears?

Nothing, they might hear you