Shingle Jokes

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

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How do you know your house had chicken pox?

It has shingles.

What do wives and shingles have in common?

If you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.

Why do strippers hate roofers?

They always pay in shingles.

What did the hail storm say to the roof?

Hang onto your shingles this will be no ordinary sprinkles

What disease did the house have?

Shingles.

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Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What day do soldiers hate the most?

March Fourth

Why do Irishmen hate Kia?

Because gingers don't have Souls.

Roof Jokes More Roof Jokes

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

Who's there! Athena! Athena who?

Athena reindeer landing on your roof!

Sean Connery Jokes More Sean Connery Jokes

What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Around Ten-ish.

How does Sean Connery's dog bark?

Woofsh

House Jokes More House Jokes

What happened to the Christian family when they didn't pay their exorcist?

THEIR HOUSE GOT REPOSSESSED!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?

Because they mess up the whole house!

Slice Jokes More Slice Jokes

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

What's the difference between a sliced up body and a new BMW?

I don't have a new BMW in my garage.

Neighbor Jokes More Neighbor Jokes

What word starts with "n" and you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

What's a word that starts with "N" that you don't want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Fix Jokes More Fix Jokes

What did the group of young deer do with the broken jukebox?

They fixed it because their the fawns

How many software developers does it take to fix a light bulb?

None, its a hardware issue.

Disease Jokes More Disease Jokes

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

Plague-arism

What disease do terrible parkers have?

Parkin'sins