Stock Market Jokes

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

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How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

What's the difference between the stock market and women?

With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.

Where is the best place to buy chicken broth?

At the stock market

Why was the hipster so successful in the stock market?

He invested before it was cool.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

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Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What do you call a geologist who can't hear?

Stone deaf...

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the restroom?

Because they're extinct

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north?

A pair of ducks.

Bull Jokes More Bull Jokes

What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day?

It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

What do you call it when the bull impales the bullfighter?

A hole in Juan!

Chicken Broth Jokes More Chicken Broth Jokes

Where is the best place to buy chicken broth?

At the stock market

What did the beef broth say to the chicken broth?

What flavor au jus?

Japan Jokes More Japan Jokes

What do they call the Hunger Games in Japan?

Battle Royale with cheese

Why are locksmiths in Japan cooler than the rest of the world's locksmiths?

Because in Japan they're rocksmiths.

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

What do you call a Mexican baby born yesterday?

Diego

Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

Marijuana Jokes More Marijuana Jokes

What does a pencil have in common with marijuana?

If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher