Uber Driver Jokes

What meme do Uber drivers hate?

Do you even Lyft, bro?

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How do you ask an Uber driver if he drives for Lyft, too?

Do you even Lyft bro?

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Uber Jokes More Uber Jokes

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

What do you call a white guy with 2 black guys in the back of the car?

The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car Uber!

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

When your kid asks you (daddy is it time to go crazy?

You don't know what to say until you wife reply's (idk go ask you dad.) what do you say My little joke

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What did Palpatine order in the drive thru?

Friiiiiiies

How do you drive this thing?

Two soldiers are in a tank. One turns to the other and says "GLUGGLUGBLUGBWOOABB"

Columbus Jokes More Columbus Jokes

What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean?

Columbus

What was the last thing that Columbus said to his sailors before getting on the ship?

Okay men, get on the ship.

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

Why is 17 called the "mother-in-law" in black jack?

Because you wanna hit it, but sometimes you cant.

Why are you hitting that spider?

Wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law leaving I don't have to take this

Protest Jokes More Protest Jokes

How do you stop the protests in Charlotte?

Sing the nation anthem they will sit down

What do you call a group of black criminals?

A "protest" apparently.

Nietzsche Jokes More Nietzsche Jokes

Why can't Nietzsche use pencils?

Because they're all pointless

What did Nietzsche call his Yiddish cab driver?

An Uber mensche.

Virgin Jokes More Virgin Jokes

How do we know Jesus wasn't a virgin?

Because he got nailed three times.

Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.