Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff?

Amazon.

What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?

McLady.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Why don't fairies live under toadstools?

Because there's not mushroom!

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Which snake is the best at counting Nigerians?

A Black Adder

How many chicken does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Still counting. Those darned birds can't seem to cross the road to get over here to screw in the light bulb.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What do you call a liquid that spent all its money dissolving solute?

Insolvent

Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at sea.

Parking Jokes More Parking Jokes

Why did Nobelium's car got towed away?

He parked at a parking!

Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.