3 Day Jokes

Why did Jesus drink wine at the last supper?

Because in 3 days, he would be a raisin

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How long does it take to drive across France?

3 days by panzer

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

Why did Jon Snow wait outside he Apple Store for 3 days?

For the watch

Why does Jesus not play video games?

Everytime he dies he has to wait 3 days to respawn

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*

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Apple Store Jokes More Apple Store Jokes

Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store?

For the watch.

Why is the Apple Store always so hot?

They don't have Windows installed.)

Mother Day Jokes More Mother Day Jokes

What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for Mother's Day?

G u knit

What did you do for Mothers Day yesterday?

Mothers Day is this upcoming Sunday.

Hint Jokes More Hint Jokes

How does the quadriplegic cross the free way?

I'll give you a hint... Take the "F" out of "free" and the "F" out of "way".

What do you call a deer that has really good eyesight?

Good idea. Hint: Good eye-deeeeah

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What birds spend all their time on their knees?

Birds of prey!

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

Recover Jokes More Recover Jokes

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*

What do you call a recovering alcoholic?

A ginspiration.

Teacher Jokes More Teacher Jokes

What did the teacher think of your idea?

Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really what did she say Son: Baa!

Why did the teacher have trouble controlling her pupils?

She was cross eyed.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?

"Today children we will learn our ABC's"

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

What did Jared Fogle say when his wife told him she wanted kids?

Me too*