Bald Jokes

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

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What did the balding German frau exclaim when her husband left her?

Ach! I tink I'm losing mein Herr!

What did the court jester call the balding crown prince?

The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent.

Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest?

They're always eager for more on their pate.

What did the balding thief say in the wig store?

Toupee or not toupee

When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet?

When your bald!

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Why will we never know if Rick James was bald?

Rogaine is a hell of a drug.

Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine?

To cover up his bald spot.

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Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard-of-hearing?

HEY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!?!

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How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out

What is a man's ultimate shame?

When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

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How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

It isn't hard

How do you find the blind guy at a nudist colony?

It ain't hard.

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Why do bald guys cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

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Tortoise Jokes More Tortoise Jokes

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Pocket Jokes More Pocket Jokes

What do old people always keep in their back pocket?

Depends.

Why is paper money more valuable than coins?

When you put it in your pocket you double it and when you take it out you find it in creases. -