Bum Jokes

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

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How does an Australian clean is bum?

Bidet, mate.

What are you going to do for a face?

When the monkey wants its bum back?

What do you call Tums in suppository form?

Bums

What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

How do you get stuck in an annoying conversation with a stranger?

Ask someone vaping if you can bum a cigarette.

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Iraq Jokes More Iraq Jokes

How did you get out of Iraq?

He answered: "Iran"

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

Bench Jokes More Bench Jokes

What do you call 7 white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

What's the difference between certain and uncertain?

Well, one things for sure

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues. Credit: Curious: The Tourist's Guide

How do you tell which truck is the mail truck?

It has huge balls on it. Credit goes to the 70 year old man who just came into my work and made my day.

Shake Jokes More Shake Jokes

What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?

They think long and hard before they touch weiner.

Why do pigs run into trees?

To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tree. That's because the pigs do such a good job.

Invent Jokes More Invent Jokes

Who invented rhetorical questions?

How should I know?

Where was the toothbrush invented?

West Virginia, anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant

How do you know if a homeless person has a girlfriend?

His clean fingers.