Calculate Jokes

How do you calculate a girl's impulse?

F dt bich

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What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

How do they calculate global warming?

Al-gore-ythms

Why did no one like the Eskimo accountant?

Because he was cold and calculating.

How do you calculate the length of rosemary?

Sprigonometry

How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician?

Cold and calculating.

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Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

Who do you sell second hand bikes to?

A re-cyclist.

What do you call a pirate that sells things?

A sailor.

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

How do you know if you're a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood.

How far can a rabbit run into the woods?

Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What happens when you drink food colouring?

You dye a little on the inside.

What's black on the outside and white on the inside?

Whitney Houston's nose

Calculus Teacher Jokes More Calculus Teacher Jokes

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

What does a calculus teacher say when a student doesn't get it?

Bro, do you even function?

Calculator Jokes More Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

Absolute Jokes More Absolute Jokes

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'