Congress Jokes

What bill is the Congress's favorite?

Of course the $ bill!

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What's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

What do you call a group of Idiots?

Congress

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

No fee--If No Recovery!

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

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Aye Jokes More Aye Jokes

What did Goku say when he heard his wife listening to the song, "Fancy"?

Aye, Chi-Chi, Why?

What are the ten letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye! Arrrr! & the Seven Seas!

Hoot Jokes More Hoot Jokes

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What happened when the owl lost his voice?

He didn't give a hoot!

Cunne Jokes More Cunne Jokes

What's the difference between a gang of pygmy's and a women's track team?

One is a Cunning group of Runts.....

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

Revolve Jokes More Revolve Jokes

How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

Baboon Jokes More Baboon Jokes

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

Bill Jokes More Bill Jokes

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?

Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Who these days is hard "Is your person white?

Excuse me " "Is your person white " "I don't see skin color I just see people"

What did the mime say to the wall?

Tough getting by these days.