Drunk Man Jokes

What 3 things that tell the truth?

Drunk men. Little children. Yoga pants.

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What did the pig say to the drunk man?

Licence and registration please.

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Who lost the presidential debate?

We Americans

What do you call a guy who likes to lose?

Ewan

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's the last thing they do to a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll before it leaves the factory?

Give it two test-tickles!

How does a penguin make a decision?

Flipper coin. Again, I shall take my leave.

Right Jokes More Right Jokes

What did Noah tell his son while they were fishing?

Better get this right, I only have 2 worms.

Why can't mites race in NASCAR?

Because mites make rights, not lefts.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What do you call and Irish person who stays outside all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

Officer Jokes More Officer Jokes

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What's black white and read all over?

A newspaper.

Why won't you read this joke?

Cause you've already reddit!

Licence Jokes More Licence Jokes

What did the pig say to the drunk man?

Licence and registration please.

Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?

Cats can't drive!

10 Jokes More 10 Jokes

Why was 7 afraid of 8?

Because 8 nined 10.

Why didn't The Terminator upgrade to windows 10?

I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"