Officer Jokes

What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?

I just booked a cook for cooking the books.

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Why did you ticket the computer?

Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.

Why are you putting handcuffs on that building?

Officer: I'm making a house arrest

Why did you arrest that doctor?

Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

How is a woman who got her winter coat at Target similar to an officer on leave?

They both got their fur low.

What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?

Officer on doody.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

What's an empty suit of armor doing on the drivers side of a car?

He went out for the knight. OK I'll leave now

Bullet Jokes More Bullet Jokes

What's the difference between a repost and a bullet?

I don't want to put a repost in my mouth

What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?

Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet

Ex Benedict Jokes More Ex Benedict Jokes

What do you call the Pope after he's resigned?

Ex-Benedict.

What do you call Pope Benedict after his final day in the papal office?

Ex-Benedict.

Aircraft Carrier Jokes More Aircraft Carrier Jokes

How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?

The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!

Why do they like to watch Star Wars on the big screen on aircraft carriers?

They're all about force projection.

America Jokes More America Jokes

What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

Why can't America play chess?

They are missing 2 towers

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

What's big, green and cries in the corner?

The Incredible Sulk

How do you confuse a fish?

You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

How are Harambe memes keeping up?

Cincinnati Zoo keeps trying to shoot them down.

What is the difference between Elliot Rodgers and Malaysia Airlines?

Malaysia Airlines only has been shot down once.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a brick and an MRA?

Bricks get laid.

What is the difference between two towers?

A plane