Fortune Jokes

How many tunes should the bard play?

Fortunes.

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What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?

She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.

Where do fortune tellers keep the fortunes?

Crystal balls deep made this up.

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

What do you call a group of Lexus cars?

A fortune!

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?

They never want to log off.

Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?

Whale of fortune!

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Which burgers can tell your fortune?

Medium burgers!

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Midget Fortune Teller Jokes More Midget Fortune Teller Jokes

What do you call a midget fortune teller that just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law?

A Small Medium at Large

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What does a frog that can read say?

Reddit...reddit...

What do you call someone who reads in the sun?

Well Red.

Headline Jokes More Headline Jokes

What did the headlines read after the midget fortune-teller escaped from jail?

Small medium at large.

What were the headlines like when the shovel was invented?

There's been a ground breaking discovery...

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What's a pirate's favorite workout program?

Pirates (pronounced like pilates)

Why do pirates love football so much?

Cus they love to count YAAAARds.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Which candidate will most improve our country?

2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge

Why did the little black kid start crying when he had diarrhea?

He thought he was melting.

Stage Jokes More Stage Jokes

How can you tell that the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of sides of his mouth.

What happened when Turkey was accused of being Chicken?

It staged a coup

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts?

Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.

What are your thoughts on new soup technology?

I say Progresso at any cost.

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

Why do horses have such a low divorce rate?

Because they're all in relationships!

What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

She is my daughter. Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13 1979